Therapy When You’re Neurodivergent: What Actually Helps?

For many neurodivergent adults, seeking therapy can feel like an uphill battle. Perhaps you've tried before and left feeling unheard, or you worry that a psychologist won’t truly understand your experience. Maybe you're looking for therapy but aren’t sure what approaches will actually work for you.

Traditional therapy models often assume neurotypical ways of thinking, communicating, and processing emotions. However, neurodivergent minds operate differently, requiring adaptations in therapy to make it genuinely helpful. In this post, we’ll explore what makes therapy effective for neurodivergent adults and highlight key strategies that can make all the difference.

Finding the Right Psychologist: What to Look For

The first step in making therapy work is finding a psychologist who understands neurodivergence. Here are some key aspects to consider:

• Neurodiversity-Affirming Approach: A good psychologist won’t pathologise your neurodivergence or try to "fix" you by making you appear neurotypical. Instead, they’ll help you navigate the world and feel well in a way that aligns with your natural way of thinking and being.

• Flexibility in Communication: Some neurodivergent individuals struggle with verbal processing, while others find written communication easier. A psychologist who is open to alternative communication methods can be incredibly helpful.

• Sensory-Aware Environment: For in-person sessions, consider whether the therapy space has harsh lighting or overwhelming sounds. For virtual sessions, assess if the psychologist is understanding of your sensory needs, such as allowing cameras off or breaks during sessions.

• Understanding of Neurodivergent Burnout and Masking: A psychologist who recognises the impact of burnout and masking can help you navigate these experiences with compassion, rather than suggesting unhelpful coping strategies rooted in neurotypical expectations.

  
  

Recognising Red Flags in Therapy

Steph Jones, in her book The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy, emphasises the importance of identifying "red flags" that may indicate a psychologist is not a good fit. These include:

• Lack of Understanding of Neurodiversity: Psychologists who lack understanding of neurodiversity may impose their own interpretations on autistic behaviours without seeking clarification.

• Dismissal of Sensory Needs: Psychologists who dismiss a client’s sensory needs or interpret autistic behaviour through a neurotypical lens without seeking clarification may not provide the necessary support.

• Imposing Neurotypical Norms: Psychologists who try to fit neurodivergent clients into neurotypical frameworks without adaptation may not be helpful.

  
  

Being aware of these red flags can help you make informed decisions about your therapeutic relationships.

Therapy Strategies That Actually Work for Neurodivergent Adults

Once you’ve found a psychologist who understands your neurodivergence, the next step is making therapy work for you. Here are some approaches that many neurodivergent people find particularly useful:

1. Using Special Interests as a Therapeutic Tool

Many autistic people have intense passions for specific topics. A psychologist who integrates your special interests into sessions can create a sense of safety and motivation. This might include:

• Using metaphors from your special interest to explain emotions or relationship dynamics.

• Incorporating structured discussions about your interests to build engagement in therapy.

• Encouraging you to use your interests as a self-regulation tool.

  
  

Rather than dismissing these passions as distractions, a neurodiversity-affirming psychologist will recognise them as valuable ways to process and express emotions.

2. Body-Doubling for Executive Function Support

Executive dysfunction is a common challenge for neurodivergent individuals, especially ADHDers, making it difficult to start or complete tasks. One way therapy can help is through "body-doubling", having another person present while working on tasks to increase accountability and focus.

Psychologists can adapt this by:

• Spending part of the session working on paperwork, emails, or tasks together.

• Holding space for planning or breaking down overwhelming responsibilities into smaller steps.

  
  

This strategy can be especially useful for neurodivergent adults who struggle with task initiation and follow-through.

3. Scripting for Difficult Conversations

Social communication can be overwhelming, especially when it comes to advocating for your needs or setting boundaries. Many neurodivergent people benefit from scripting: preparing phrases or entire dialogues in advance for situations that cause anxiety.

A psychologist can help by:

• Practicing conversations in a low-pressure way.

• Providing feedback on wording to make communication clearer and more effective.

• Helping you develop scripts for workplace interactions, friendships, or relationships.

  
  

Scripting isn’t about being "inauthentic", it’s a tool that allows you to express yourself more confidently in challenging situations. Your psychologist should also help you understand the impact of scripting and masking, and how these capacity draining tasks can be managed in your daily life where they may be integral to your safety in certain environments.

4. Recognising and Addressing Autistic Burnout

Many neurodivergent adults experience burnout a deep exhaustion that comes from prolonged masking, sensory overload, and navigating a world not built for them. Unfortunately, traditional therapy approaches often misunderstand this experience and offer advice that doesn’t fit.

A neurodivergent-friendly psychologist will:

• Validate your experience instead of pushing productivity-focused solutions.

• Help you identify early signs of burnout before it escalates.

• Work with you to develop strategies for unmasking in safe ways.

  
  

Addressing burnout isn’t about "pushing through", it’s about giving yourself permission to rest and recover.

Incorporating Self-Compassion and Advocacy

In The Neurodivergence Skills Workbook for Autism and ADHD, authors Jennifer Kemp and Monique Mitchelson emphasise the importance of self-compassion and self-advocacy for neurodivergent people. Developing self-compassion can help counteract self-critical thoughts and promote a more positive self-view. Learning to advocate for your needs is also crucial in navigating a world that may not always accommodate neurodivergence. A supportive psychologist can guide you in building these skills, empowering you to express your needs confidently and develop self-acceptance.

Final Thoughts: Therapy That Feels Like a Fit

If therapy hasn’t worked for you in the past, it doesn’t mean you’re "bad at therapy", it means the approach wasn’t right for you. Neurodivergent adults need therapy that honours their unique ways of thinking, communicating, and processing the world.

By finding a psychologist who truly understands neurodivergence and using strategies that align with your needs, therapy can become a powerful space for growth, self-acceptance, and meaningful change.

If you’re seeking neurodiversity-affirming support, take your time to find a psychologist who genuinely gets it. You deserve therapy that works for you—not therapy that forces you to work against yourself.

We offer neurodiversity-affirming therapy Australia-wide at The Neuro Nurture Collective, an online clinic for adults. If you'd like to explore booking a session, please feel free to reach out via email (admin@theneuronurturecollective.com).